I’m not feeling very “merry and bright” today. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in December before. Journaling today helped to work through some of my feelings, but it’ll be a long time before the Phaeon-sized hole in my heart begins to heal. Read on for the whole story…
December’s really not looking up. Today I made about 10 phone calls trying to clear up a tax matter, which was depressing enough (apparently sheds on leased land are taxed, which was news to me). Then my husband gets home from the store and delivers the news that my dog Phaeon died. He was hit by a car. The worst part is my little brother watched it happen, tried to get the lady’s attention—the jerk never even slowed down—and then he had to carry Phaeon back to the house. I am thankful that it appeared to be an instant death with no suffering.
But all day we’ve been (or at least I have been) dealing with the question, why now, God? Why him? Yes, Phaeon was annoying at times, and dealing with his allergies was expensive and frustrating. But we loved him! I’ll miss his warm body tucked in the chair with me, fighting a constant battle because he insisted on putting his head on my keyboard. I’ll miss the way he came running whenever someone ran the icemaker in the fridge, and how he loved to lay on the back of the chair like a cat and stare out the window. He loved me through living on my own and moving back home, through several boyfriends and finally finding the right guy, and he helped to welcome my son into the world. He never minded when Cai would pull his fur or poke little fingers in his ears.
Phaeon’s left a little hole in Christmas for us this year. He and Cadbury were in our Christmas card photo last year—he’s family. We buried him behind the pool at my parents’ house where we can visit him and know he’s nearby. It’s been a rough day. Most of my Christmas spirit blew away like so much dry snow when I petted my dog for the last time.
Have you ever lost a pet? This is the first time I’ve buried a dearly loved pet, and I never imagined it would be so hard. They are truly a part of the family, right?